Too Lazy, Too Tired

Today Gabby and I took our first theater class. It was in role-playing. We role-played how our day should have gone.

We can blame it, a bit, on yesterday. Yesterday, we drove home from Boston, with not too much traffic, just one vomit-incident, and just a little fussiness from Fielding. We got home in good time and ate leftovers from my mom, packed in a cooler and warmed, delicious.

It was hard, though, to get up for school this morning. I had to help William on a project that was due while we were away. Gluing little pictures of his favorite things onto a cardstock t-shirt.

I managed to get Bri and William on the bus and Fielding and I out the door for my 8:45am workout at the Y. (Normally Gabby comes with us, but since she's got a broken elbow -- I'll tell about that in some future post -- she opted to stay behind.)

When I got home, it was obvious that Gabby had been disinclined to work. Here's the role-play:

Gabby: Mom, I'm so tired from the trip, I don't feel like studying.
Me: I know. It's hard to get back into the routine after a vacation. What have you done so far?
Gabby: Well, I looked for photos of biomes but I can't find any with the locations stated, like you want. I did my math worksheets, but Daddy hasn't given me any new challenge problems and the timed quiz website isn't working.
Me: I can help you find some good websites for the biomes project. Have you emailed Dad about the math?
Gabby: No. I just don't feel like it.
Me: I understand. I didn't feel like working out this morning. I had to not think about it and just do it.
Gabby: That's too hard.
Me: It is hard. Would you like me to help you email Daddy?
Gabby. Okay. Then can I take a break?
Me: That's okay with me, but we might not have time to work on your sewing project if you do.
Gabby: I really want to sew.
Me: You'll have to decide what you want most. Here, let's email Daddy and then find some good websites on the biomes. Then you can decide what you want to do.
Gabby: Thanks Mom. You're the best!
Me: Gee, that means a lot Gabby. I think you're great too.

That's what we role-played. That is not what actually happened. What actually happened was a lot of "I can't" coming from Gabby (which I hear as "I won't). And a lot of "you have to" from me, which Gabby hears as "I dare you not to."

I even pulled out, "then we'll have to enroll you in the middle school."

SO DUMB! Why did I say that? Why pull out the big guns for such a little thing? She was tired from the trip. She was having troubled getting back into the rhythm of school... And we've been having a great time homeschooling so far! Why get so bent out of shape over one bad day?

Well, in my defense, I was tired too. I was all sweaty from my work out, which wasn't even satisfying. In the rush of the morning I had forgotten to eat. Halfway through the class, I felt like I might pass out so I left early. Blah.

Only to be greeted by Lazy Lucy when I came in the door.

It is so hard to be compassionate when I want compassion!

In a funny coincidence, last night my husband told me about a difficult time he was having with a coworker. Max works in academia and is responsible for mentoring students and others in his research. This particular individual was giving him a hard time over the assignments Max had given him. (Sound familiar?) In frustration, Max played Monty Python's Argument Sketch -- the coworker didn't seem to get it and wasn't amused.

Sometimes it feels like exasperation and defiance meet my every suggestion. I wish Gabby could just say that an assignment is difficult, or just ask me to help her, or just tell me she's worried about something. But every statement drips with emotion. All that drama makes me dramatic!

Sometimes I think to myself, "If Ican just get through the day without losing my temper -- or losing my temper again -- then we'll all wake up in better mood tomorrow!"